


bloodshed, call out the forensics

by brokenglass



Series: Designed To Be [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-29
Updated: 2012-11-29
Packaged: 2017-11-19 20:57:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/577573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenglass/pseuds/brokenglass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>no, zayn didn't want to argue with liam. but that girl was all over him and liam didn't seem to care. </p><p>but now he wishes he'd never have told him 'i don't want to see you'</p>
            </blockquote>





	bloodshed, call out the forensics

_**replicate violence with both your hands, dear come and stitch me up, my insides are bleeding, just do what you can and keep me alive, cos i gave you the right to design me again, and fill my hollow chest, thats right, yes fill my hollow chest.”** _

— 

zayn’s pissed off, if he’s honest. because he knows he can’t concentrate on a mission properly when he’s got things on his mind and fuck is this mission important or what? they’re on one of the most important missions his squadron has been sent on, bravo two zero. a mission where they had to free hostages held in iraq, they either got them out, or they got killed, and like their platoon commander said, failure is not an option. 

but what was bothering zayn (and he knows its incredibly selfish, because fuck people are dying out their) is that he and liam argued for over an hour before they got here. 

 

liam being his boyfriend, the secret boyfriend only louis, harry and niall knew about. because god, if anyone found out two of their squadron members were in a relationship they’d be cut instantly, because apparently, the armed forces is no place for boys who like boys. that’s why its so secret and why its bothering him so much because they argued over a girl. a girl. with big curly hair and long legs and bloody hell if zayn wasn’t so infatuated with loving liam he’d probably be doing everything he could to get that girl in his bed, but no. she was doing everything she could to get liam in her bed. because she loves a guy in uniform, especially one as muscily as liam, with those big eyes and his nose and his bloody everything. 

and yet, although liam always tells zayn he loves him, loves him more than he’s ever loved anything he’s ever known, he never told danielle (the curly haired bird) he was taken or pushed away any of her advances when she touched his chest playfully. he just smiled at her and zayn wanted to punch the both of them right there and then but he couldn’t, he was so exhausted and tired that he just felt so hurt, and betrayed, and they had to get ready to get into the humvee to go back to base before boarding the helecopter to take them to iraq. 

and what makes it all the more worse is that he knows if he fucks up, if any of them fuck up on this mission they’re all out. they’ll go back to the normal, TA and do the bog standard missions, and none of them want that because they worked so damn hard to get here, damn selection process nearly killed them. but of course, it only made zayn become more alive because that’s where he met liam. 

selection is a tough one to get through, the first phase is known as the endurance, fitness and navigation, or the ‘hills’ stage. this endurance portion of selection not only tests their physical fitness, but also their mental stamina. to pass this phase, a high level of determination and self-reliance is required. the hills stage lasts up to three weeks and always takes place in south wales, the brecon beacons to be precise. they have to carry an ever-increasingly-heavy burgen over a series of long timed hikes,navigating between checkpoints. no encouragement or critism is provided by the supervising staff though, as they would be wanted to be self-motivated. 

the endurance phase concludes with the ‘long drag’, a forty mile trek carrying a fifty five pound bergen that must be completed in under twenty four hours. those who complete this endurance training then they go onto jungle training and escaping and evasion training, equally as difficult, but to those who come out on top, they’re the best. they have what it takes to be in the elite forces, and really, zayn knows he wouldn’t have been able to complete it without liam. or any of the lads, if he’s going to be quite honest. because liam was with him every single step of the way, since they all met up on the first day of selection. when they were sorted out into their groups (zayn’s group being the only group to all finish the selection process and none of them drop out) he, louis, liam, niall and harry all made it through the three phases in one piece.

but zayn would be at the TA traitning camp if liam hadn’t of kept telling him ‘you can do it, just a little further’ ‘come on, we’re nearly there’ and then at the end of everything, he was the one to say ‘well done, you made it’ and maybe its what makes zayn’s heart hurt the most out of this whole situation, because liam was always the one everyone told that zayn was no good for him, that it would be a mistake to get involved with someone like him, he’s a player. when zayn knows that he’s not, he’s had two serious girlfriends, both in which he never cheated nor even thought about it. they only said it because he seemed to like like that type, but liam didn’t listen. he told them that going out with zayn would be like the selection phase, maybe it won’t work out, but then he can say he tried, but then if it does work out, well it’ll make him feel on top of the world (and well, that just made zayn’s heart swell with nothing but affection) 

of course, they knew they had to keep quiet. they’d already heard a supervisor talking to one of the lesser platoon commanders about an episode last year between the squadron leader and the soldiers and they got kicked out of not only the elite forces but also all services. and no, they are not embarrassed about being together, not in the slightest, they just both agreed that they’ve worked so damn hard for this, and it doesn’t matter if its a secret anyway, as long as they both know they love each other then really, thats all that matters, right? 

so why, oh why did liam let that curly haired mess shove herself all over him without any thought to how zayn would feel? zayn’s pissed, to say the least. 

it’s dark and they’re in the humvee, travelling towards an outhouse where they’ll be positioned to take out the terrorist gang who have the hostages held. zayn can feel liam’s eyes boring into the back of his head, but he refuses to turn around and meet his gaze, harry can sense this too, and he gives zayn a sympathetic smile. the humvee crashes over the bumps in the road, sending sharp pains through zayn’s lower back everytime he’s launched from his seat and sent crashing back down again. they finally pull up to the outhouse slash small building and quickly seep inside, it may be dark but they really don’t want to risk being seen. they’ve already been given positions, backat base. louis is on his own in the room on the top floor, liam and niall in the middle and zayn and harry on the bottom floor. its strategic that way, almost an even spread. 

louis only being on his own because no man should make it up to the top floor because that would mean zayn, harry, niall and liam would have failed at their job. they take their positions, zayn and harry survey the room and decide who’s on which window and so forth. zayn’s at the north window, harry at the south, and they’re both sitting with their guns by their side, looking out of the window. 

“so, what happened between you and liam?” harry asked quietly, careful not to sound pushy. zayn sighs before opening his mouth to speak. 

“it was that girl, danielle” he says “i know it sounds like i’m being a jealous prick, but, he didn’t push her away haz. and then i asked him about it and he just said he didn’twant to hurt her feelings, but what about mine ey? then we started fighting about no end of things” 

“i think you’ll be fine in a few days, once the stress of all this is over, we have leave for a week. things will go back to normal” harry tries to reassure zayn, but his face falls when he remembers how cruel the words he and liam exchanged in the row. 

_“you know what zayn? i was trying to be nice! but you’re too busy being jealous and judgemental to actually care about anyone elses feelings!” liam shouts, pacing around the room._

_“trying to be nice? you could have been nice and just told her you were taken or something, she didn’t have to have her hands all over you, whispering things in your ears, and you didn’t have to look like you were enjoying it!” zayn seethed, grinding his teeth to stop him from lashing out, you’d think he would have learnt self control, being in the SAS and all that, but this sort of thing, the sort of situation that gets right under his skin, burying deep and staying there, just makes him want to scream and lash out until its not there anymore._

_“for gods sake zayn, nothing happened! do you not trust me around other people?” liam sighes frustratedly, and his face falls in defeat, his body going limp as he looks into zayn eyes, which are clouded and distant._

_“i trust you, of course i trust you. but the way you acted made me feel like you didn’t care that we were together and you were happy to let her feel you up in front of me!” zayn screamed the ending, feeling his anger bubble up over the edge and destroy everything like hot lava._

_“i don’t know what i can say to you to make everything better, zayn. nothing happened, i love you, what else can i do?” liam said softly, almost begging, taking a step closer to the dark haired, teary eyed male. but zayn took a step backwards, away from liam, and looked at the floor before saying,_

_“i don’t want see you anymore liam” he says, then as quickly as he said it, he leaves, leaving liam standing in an empty room, unsure of whether zayn just dumped him or whether he just couldn’t deal with him at the moment._

zayn sighs and readjusts his sitting position, the dark was slowly turning into dawn, a thin strip of turquoise blue forming upon the horizon. its the one gunshot that sets of the chain reaction. 

the gunshot to ruin everything. 

shots fire past zayn, whizzing, cracking, popping around him. he fires back through the window, immediately hearing the shouts of his comdrades, and its a blur. not that zayn hasn’t experienced this type of thing before, its just, different to the other times. his hands are cold and numb as the hold down the trigger of his assault rifle, firing the consecutive rounds towards his targets but not knowing whether he’s hitting anything or not. the gunshots sound like fireworks, although unlike the beautiful colours are missing and they’re much more frightening and definitely more fatal. 

and its when those dreaded two words are shouted through his ear piece in the irish accent that obliterates zayn’s heart, makes him feel like a thousand bullets have just been fired at close range straight through. 

“man down!” 

and zayn knows, knows just who’s down because fuck. liam’s the only one in the room with niall. 

when you’re in the SAS they teach you one vital rule, if anyone ever gets shot. ‘do not stay to help’ if a man goes down, he stays down until help comes, otherwise, you leave him. but zayn can’t leave liam, he can’t follow the rules, because this is the boy who has his heart, the one who’s helped him overcome so much in such a short space of time, this is liam. 

without thinking he bolts up, stepping in the firing line and sprints through the room, ignoring harry’s calls after him and runs up the stairs, trying to prepare himself for what he’s about to see. 

but he couldn’t have. 

because seeing liam, the love of his life laying on the floor, hand clutched to his stomach, blood covering his hand makes zayn feel physically sick and it takes all his strength not to fall to the floor in tears, instead he sucks in a deep breath. 

“niall, go down and cover harry, i’ll stay here” he shouts above the noise, his voice wavers a little as liam looks at him with those god damn eyes that used to be so full of love and happiness but now so full of pain and dispair. niall keeps his aim but looks at zayn, a little uncertain, but alas he runs quickly past zayn and goes down to harry. zayn rushes to liam’s side but doesn’t say anything, he points his gun out the window and fires a few rounds, before turning to liam. his eyes are wide with pain and he’s clutching his stomach, the blood coating his large hand. 

“you dare leave me, liam. don’t you dare” he’s growling because angry because fucking hell someones shot liam, and no body shoots liam and gets away with it. he throws his gun to the side and places his own hands upon liam’s wound, and his hands quickly turn from tan to a vibrant crimson red.

“i didn’t mean anything i said to you the other day, i fucking love you man, more than anything in this world and if i lose you, fuck, god sake. liam please, stay with me, alright?” zayn looks down at his hands, which have subconsciously intertwined themselves with liam’s fingers, its impossible to tell whose hands are whose as they are both covered in liam’s blood and it just doesn’t stop, it flows and it flows along with the tears that are falling down zayn’s cheek and mixing with the substance on their hands. 

“z-zayn?” liam says through ragged breaths as his blood pulses through his body and exits at his wound. “i’m s-sorry, i-i didn’t mean to l-lead the g-girl on” and zayn looks at liam and instantly feels so guilty for shouting at liam the other day because of course, liam would never do something intentionally, he just didn’t want to hurt anyone. 

“i know li, i know” zayn leans forward and kisses liam on the lips softly, but he doesn’t go further than that because anything else would just be an excursion to liam, and he doesn’t want to do him any more harm. 

the sounds of footsteps come drumming up the stairs and before either of them can say anything else, there’s a strong pair of hands dragging zayn away from liam, and zayn kicks and screams because no, he’s not leaving liam. no way. 

“no, let me go” he screams, kicking and flailing his arms around, trying desperately to get whoevers got hold of him to just fucking let go. 

“get the fuck off me, i need to look after liam” the arms do not release. 

“liam i love you” he shouts one last time before he’s dragged down the stairs and his head smacks off something hard. 

//

zayn awaits outside of the platoon commanders office, his heart racing and breaking at the same time, all the separate pieces screaming in torture. 

“come in” a voice says from the other side of the door, zayn lets out a heavy breath before turning the handle, stepping inside and closing it behind him. the platoon commander looks at him, at first his eyes critizising and hard, but then they change into something much more softer and sincere. 

“malik, take a seat. what can i do for you?” zayn complies and sits down in front of him, he looks down at his hands and he swears they’re still covered in his blood. 

“i, want to quit” he breathes, at first he doesn’t think he’s said it loud enough, but he knows he has when he see’s the platoon commanders face change. 

“and why would that be? you’re one of the most advanced soldiers in my squadron, you have no reason to quit” although he knows that zayn does. he’s just skirting around what they’re both thinking. 

“i do. i, know, i know that the number one rule is to not let things get to you, but i can’t help it. i’ve had my stay and this is too much. i want out, and i’ve made my decision, nothing will change my mind” zayn hands him the official notice and stands up to leave, before the platoon commander stops him. 

“y’know zayn. we knew, about you and liam. but we chose not to say anything because you two were god damn good. and even though you broke the rules by standing down and going back for him, you probably did the right thing” zayn doesn’t say anything, he just opens the door and slips out, closing it behind him and breathing a sigh of relief. he’s finally free. 

//

he stands before the gravestone, liam’s name really shouldn’t be on there. he’s too young. but his death was not in vain, he died for his country. but zayn’s heart breaks every time he thinks about waking up to an empty space next to him in the bed, that there’s no one to say ‘you made it, well done’ there’s no one by his side. the words on the stone make him smile, because they wrote them together. one night, the first night they lost themselves between the sheets. 

_“breathe. kissing you. an angel is blown into my lungs. what a specimen you’ve become. and i’ll fight for you some more, because i see the way you look at me”_

**Author's Note:**

> that was the second part of designed to be! leave me some feedback? 
> 
> tumblr - zorgasm.


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